Villian's Night Out
by KimonoDragon
Summary: Short stories based on novelty songs featuring the bad guys of Kim Possible.
1. Killigan's Blue Ribbon

I do not own Kim Possible or any of the characters. The song "The Scotsman is performed by Bryan Bowers.

"Villain's Night Out: Killigan's Blue Ribbon"

Sitting around a table in a corner of a rough looking bar, was a veritable who's who of villains. Dr. Drakken, Shego, Lord Monkey Fist, and Duff Killigan were reminiscing of past battles with their teenaged foe, Kim Possible. Each had their own preferred type of drink. Drakken had a soda, Shego was sipping red wine, Monkey Fist had a cup of hot tea, and Killigan was having himself another pint of dark ale.

"Your really putting it away tonight Killigan," observed Drakken. "Yeah," agreed Shego, "You should really drink in moderation. You can get kind of rowdy when you get drunk." Killigan sneered at Shego, "I can handle me drink lassie, and me temper." Shego returned a cold look, "Uh huh, yeah. You keep telling yourself that."

"I believe it's your turn Monkey Fist," interrupted Drakken.

"Of course, well this one happened quite recently. It doesn't involve Miss Possible, but her monkey phobic sidekick, Ron Stoppable." Monkey Fist took a sip of his tea and then continued. "I had everything ready, my monkey ninjas were assembled and I had the spell book to summon the Phantom Monkeys so I could conquer the world and proclaim myself Supreme Monkey Ruler. That's when he showed up and tried to steal the book. He and his rodent, along with a robot controlled by the computer kid, defeated me and my ninjas, took the book, and smashed my monkey idols. Again!"

Monkey Fist sipped his tea again. "You know it turned out he was looking for a book that was in his backpack all along. I wonder why he was looking for it?"

"I bet it had something to do wit Possible," said Shego. "He busted into our place too. Ransacked the place looking for something. When I asked him where Possible was he shouted out 'She's not my girlfriend'." "It was kind of funny," she chuckled.

"Well it wasn't funny when the buffoon broke my new doomsday machine," said Drakken. "Yours were not the only plans foiled Monkey Fist. I heard that he also went to Dementor's place as well."

"Aye, he came to me castle as well, rummagin' through me bookshelf. I wondered why he was there alone. I bet the lad carries a torch for the lass," Killigan slurred.

"You might be right Killigan," said Drakken. "If he had as much trouble with Possible as I did with Shego with that moodulator thing, he might have begun to see her in a new light." "Moodulator?" said Monkey Fist queryingly. "I don't think you've told us that story." "Oh it's a boring story, nothing much happened really," said Drakken, as he looked as Shego. Shego was sitting there with a scowl on her face, warning him not to tell it.

Killigan started laughing, "Oh, I just had a funny thought. If those two were to get married, that would make Kim Possible, Stoppable." Monkey Fist and Shego laughed at this while Drakken sat there looking confused. "What? You think we will be able to defeat Kim Possible is she and the buffoon where married?" Shego shook her head and groaned. "What he is referring to," said Monkey Fist, "is that if Kim Possible were to marry Ron Stoppable, she would take his name. Therefore making Kim Possible, Stoppable. As in Kim Stoppable." Drakken stuttered out a response. "I...I knew that. I just wanted to be sure that you knew it as well."

Killigan stood up, holding onto the table for support. "Well I'd love ta sit here all night an' swap stories with ye, but I need to get goin'." He raised his mug, "Till next time," he toasted and drained the mug. He turned around and headed for the door, passing Motor Ed on the way. All he heard him say was "hey cuz" and "green babe", followed by a blast, as he exited the door. He walked down the street in a drunken stupor till he could no longer keep his feet. So he made his way off into the grass and dropped down, deciding to sleep some of it off. Sometime later he woke up to nature's call. He stumbled round; making his was toward the trees. Behind the bushes he lifted his kilt and gawked at what he saw. In a startled voice he said, "Oh, lad I don't know where ye been, but I see you won first prize."

This was something that came to me while I was listening to Dr. Demento. This one is based on "The Scotsman" and I have one more in the works.


	2. Motor Ed's Wild Ride

Kim Possible Disney. 'Nuff said.

This one is based on the song "Beep Beep" by The Playmates. It stars Motor Ed who fits it perfectly. I originally planned on having him tell the story, but thought it would be better to tell it as it happens. Of all the novelty songs I have, these two are the only ones I found that could be used with a character from Kim Possible. If I find any others I'll do them too, and if anybody knows of any more that could work, drop me a line.

"Motor Ed's Wild Ride"

Motor Ed was cruising on his motorcycle down a dark highway. He passed a speed limit sign, it read 45. He glanced at his speedometer, which read 60. He was in a hurry to get to the Shifty Eye, a hangout for bad guys, where his cousin and his colleagues were. A horn sounds behind him. He looks in the mirror and sees a car coming up behind him fast.

"You think you can pass me in that. AHAHAHAHA!" Ed sped up a little and checked the mirror again. The car was still right behind him and the brake light was on to beat all. Still the guy honked his horn at Ed.

"You've got guts man I'll give you that, but that all I'll give you. Ed gave it some gas and took off flying. His speedometer now read 90.

"There ain't no way you can catch me now. What?" The familiar horn beeped again.

"No way dude. What have you got on that thing, wings?" Ed went faster again until he was going 110. "There ain't no way I'm gonna let some little car out race me." Beep, beep, beep. The car was still gaining on him.

"Let's see you keep up with me now," said Motor Ed as he pushed the motorcycle to 120. Ed pulled away and the sound of the horn faded. "Well I guess I finally lost him."

All of a sudden the car pulled up beside him effortlessly. The driver rolled down the window and called out to Ed. "Hey buddy how do I get this car out of second gear?"


	3. Steel Toe

Based on "The Blue Cyclone" by Ray Stevens. Kim Possible is property of Disney.

"Dr. Drakken Meets Steel Toe"

Dr. Drakken tinkered around with one of his inventions wearily. Shego was on vacation and he had no one to brag about his plans to. She wasn't going to return for a few more days yet and he was bored.

"This isn't as much fun without Shego around to criticize my plans," he said to himself. "It's strange what you miss about a person when they're gone. Huh, what's that?" A dull droning sound in the distance grew louder until the doors burst open and Motor Ed came crashing in on his motorcycle.

"How's it hanging cuz?" he said as he pulled his helmet off.

"Cousin Eddie? What brings you here?" asked a peeved Drakken.

"I'm just gonna crash here for a few days until the boys get the place fixed back up. We had a little mishap. Say where's that green chick that's usually with you?"

"You mean Shego? She on vacation," said Drakken.

"So it's just us guys huh," said Ed and went into his air guitar routine. "Since it's just us, let's go out for some fun."

"What kind of fun?"

"We can go to the wrestling matches. I hear Pain King and Steel Toe are going at it again," said Ed.

"I don't know," said Drakken, "I'm kind of busy with my new invention."

"Come on cuz, it'll be fun. Just you and me at the fights and we can let off a little steam."

"Oh all right," agreed Drakken.

Ed and Drakken took a new version of the Doomvee to the arena where they stood in line for tickets. The place was packed, but they lucked out and got ringside seats. They went inside and found their seats, got drinks and waited for the matches to start. After a few bouts, the main fight was about to begin. Pain King and Steel Toe entered the ring and began to trash talk each other. Once the bell rang the two wrestlers began bashing on one another. It wasn't long before Steel Toe began to dominate the fight. He put Pain King in an airplane spin then he body slammed him and then he did it again. Drakken was shaken up by it because he hadn't seen anything like it before, even when Shego fought Kim. Ed on the other hand was getting so worked up in the fight that he picked up his chair and threw it into the ring, hitting Steel Toe in the process. Steel Toe rubbed his head and started cursing under his breath as he turned to look and Drakken and Ed.

"I think it's time to leave," said Drakken. He turned and saw that Ed was already running for the door. Drakken ran as fast as he could, but Ed beat him to the Doomvee and locked the door.

"Open the door," pleaded Drakken as he pulled on the handle. Then he turned around to see Steel Toe behind him.

"Hey punk you forgot your chair," he said as he glared at Drakken.

"Mommy," whimpered Drakken for he recognized that look in his eyes. Steel Toe picked up Drakken and body slammed him two or three times, then he put his arms around him from behind and pile drived him. Drakken had both his arms broke and three of his ribs and that was the last thing he remembered before he was put to sleep.

When he woke up he was in a hospital bed. "I bet I could have took him," he thought. "He is just a simple brute, he's no Kim Possible." Weeks later he had the casts removed and thoughts of revenge were on his mind for he couldn't sleep without seeing Steel Toe in his dreams.

"Come on Shego, please?" He was down on his knees begging for help.

Shego just laughed, "You want me to beat up some dumb wrestler just because he beat you up? No. If you want to get revenge on him find someone else to do it."

"Fine then, I will," said Drakken. He picked up the phone and dialed Ed's number. "Hello Eddie."

"Drew, dude, why are you calling me?" Ed asked.

"Listen Eddie I want to get revenge on that Steel Toe guy. I want him to feel what it is like to be pummeled into the ground."

"Right on man," said Ed. "I'd do the same thing if it had been me. Look, what happened back then happened so quickly when that door shut, I must have broke something cause the door lock jammed. You were already down and he was gone by the time I got out. Seriously."

"Whatever," said Drakken.

"Hey, since your thinking of taking him again I know a couple of dudes that could help you."

"Do tell," said Drakken.

Ed introduced Drakken to a couple of tough looking guys and he told them his plans. They laughed and slapped him on the back.

"Sounds like fun little man. We'll back you up as long as you want to fight." So they all went down to the Hammerlock Bar, where wrestlers went to hang out, and waited for Steel Toe to enter. After a while he finally appeared and sat down at the bar and ordered a beer. He took a sip of it and Drakken stepped out to the middle of the floor.

"Hey Steel Toe," he yelled. The bar went silent and Steel Toe slowly turned his head as Drakken spoke. "Do you remember me? I'm the guy you put to sleep, only this time I'm not alone. Do you see those to big guys over there?"

Steel Toe looked and said, "Over where?"

"What?" said Drakken. He turned around and looked at where he left the others and saw that they were gone.

Steel Toe looked at him and grinned, "Okay punk here we go again. Seems to me that some guys never learn." He waded through the tables and chairs toward Drakken.

"Mommy," Drakken whimpered again. Steel Toe put a full nelson on him and grabbed his hair then threw him to the floor. As the paramedics wheeled Drakken into the hospital the doctor saw him.

"Oh no, you again?" he said.

Drakken looked up at him and said, "Doctor, how long do you think it will be this time?"

He said, "If you don't leave Steel Toe alone, one of these days you won't be going home. You'll need the undertaker's services, not mine."


End file.
